“If you want to see a miracle…be the miracle.”
Time and again, we’ve heard this reiterated. And clichéd though it is, it works. You can choose to sit around and wallow in pity and self-righteousness or, you can get up, take stock, suck it up for your errors and make amends. Deluded people that we are, we always want to believe that we do the latter. But at this late hour at night, I can no longer lie to myself about the choices I’ve made.
I’ve done both. At times, I jump in and make amends and at times, I sit back and pray. I pray for divine intervention. I pray for things to miraculously be ok. I pray not because I need help, I pray because I’m a coward. I don’t pray for strength or courage or patience or any of the virtues, I pray that God do everything for me. And just now, do I realize that I am so much into me that the larger picture has lost its clarity.
They say that a person is lost completely when he gives up and I have given up. Not because I don’t believe, but rather coz no matter what I do, I hurt myself. I’ve lost all confidence and all vision. I‘ve essentially lost the person I used to be.
I need to get that woman back. If I cannot see me in my own reflection, have I ceased to be? And if I’m so lost to myself, then how in the world can any other person blind-sighted by their life and tumultuous times ever really see ME?
If I want this to work, I have to retouch base with my inner voice. Listen to my heart, see with open eyes, and trust my instincts, and take a risk or two.
Long call, but hey, I could do it once, twice, thrice…I can do it again.