They say that friends are the family you choose. It’s God’s way of atoning for all the hardships you’ll have to face. And yet, sometimes, those very people who mean more to you than parts of your family become spiteful and hurtful. Meeting up with friends is supposed to be a fun thing you do to resuscitate from the not so nice parts of life. And yet, I sometimes feel that it’s more of a chore.
Don’t get me wrong. I have wonderful friends -an absolutely supportive group. They’ve stood by me in my idiosyncrasies when my family wrote me off. And they’ve held my hand and wiped my tears and fought people for me. Yet, today, we have differences. Probably, that is the precise reason why their comments hurt more. We all grow up and our lives take different directions and it does require special effort to maintain that camaraderie and joviality. Those of us who shifted bases do find a drastic difference in our opinions. And yet, a part of us still connects to the other person.
Friendship is what makes you grow. Its what is the essential ingredient of growing as a person. And when those very people who’ve known you inside out and who’ve seen you without facades at your most vulnerable self start making hurtful comments or unconsciously treat you rudely, lets just say, it sucks. Imagine meeting up with friends for coffee, all the while wondering if one of them is going to turn behind your back and make rude comments! Imagine asking your friends out for a lunch only to have them say, “Sure, if my other plan with my other friends doesn’t pan out, I’m game”. I mean, hello! Do you really think that I have nothing better to do than to be your second option? Yes, we all have those days where it’s really not possible to give an affirmative or negative answer immediately coz we’re unsure of our schedule. But isn’t there a nicer way of putting it? Couldn’t you just possible say, “lemme go home, figure things out to call you back.” You’re pretty much saying the exact same thing, just politely. Why is it so difficult for we as people to be polite to each other? I’m special too. Don’t take me for granted, I might not stay.
If you do not call them, do not expect them to call you. It works both ways. If you’re going to think of your saucy comments as witty and non offensive, its really not a given that the other person will feel the same. If all you ever do is comment on the size of your friend’s purse or its contents, then do not expect to be given the lip balm you need and didn’t carry when she did. If your comments carry even the remotest hint of censure, rest assured, you would get it back.
Furthermore, if you’re going to be stepping on toes all the time, isn’t it natural that your friend will retaliate? It aches me to see a person I consider a good friend stay mutinously mute when another says something offensive. FYI, if I’m taunting you, then though it is wrong and hurtful, remember that I do so coz you do the same. If you constantly crib about stuff I do or taunt me about my actions, as a joke, I’m entitled to do the same.
Friendship no longer is the simple heartfelt relation it used to be. None of us are really willing to make the extra effort. None of us are willing to admit to our errors and to apologize. We’re not willing to be witty non maliciously. We’re not willing to temper our words and we’re definitely not willing to accept the pov of our friend. Ironic isn’t it that the very person who taught you about who you were is the one you refuse to listen to.
So let me take this moment to reach out to all my friends, apologize for repaying their rudeness with mine. Let me apologize to you for walking away when you hurt me instead of stopping and telling you. You might think I’ve changed, but do stop and wonder…if some of us find you at fault…maybe you are, atleast to an extent!
I’m sorry for all the times you felt bad because of me. I’m sorrier that you didn’t understand how you hurt me.